Friday, April 3, 2009


I'm angry. At everything. At the world. At myself...

Ever since Emily Anne was born on February 8, 2009.. friends and also friends of friends have been delivering perfectly healthy babies. I know of not one... not two... but six other babies that were born completely healthy. Two of which were twins. I can't help but to be jealous. Jealous that I was not able to hear my baby cry after 29 hours of laboring for her... Jealous that their car ride home was full of joy and happiness.. and ours was full of sorrow and emptiness. I cannot sit here any longer and tell myself that this is okay. This is unfair. I would have given my little Emily the world. I was so ready for her. So prepared for her arrival. I was ready to have mother-daughter time while Ethan and Erwin had father-son time. I was ready to have a perfect little family of four. Am I being unreasonable? I'm being selfish and I'll openly admit it. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for my friends and I wish them the best of luck. I am also grateful for what I already have, my Ethanbaby. But this is really unfair and I wanna scream it at the top of my lungs so the whole world knows... They say that God won't give you anything that you can't handle. But did He have to make it this hard? Why did Emily's fate have to include her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck 4 times?

But we'll never know why... I am hoping that I will one day find peace.. Til that day.


Ebe said...

Angry with you, Wendee.