Tuesday, May 26, 2009

It's a girl!

My older sister is pregnant and she is having a girl! I'm full of a lot of emotions. I'm seriously happy and ecstatic for her because she went through 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy. Everytime I go see Emily, I tell her to watch over her baby cousin to make sure that she's okay and as much as she wants another friend to play with in Heaven, we want her baby cousin to be here.

At the same time, it makes me a little sad because I just wish that Emily could be here... and our little girls could grow up together and be really close like my cousins and I. It's a little bittersweet.

We went to our friend's bbq yesterday and one of them said to Erwin and I,"When are you guys gonna have another kid? I wanna see you guys have a daughter." We do have a daughter... she's just not here with us. Then I said I'm not ready to have another baby. It hasn't even been 4 months yet. He said that stuff happens and that we should keep trying and that his mom had 2 miscarriages. And I said that it wasn't a miscarriage. If that cord wasn't around her neck and I delivered her, she would have survived as oppose to a baby that is less than 20 weeks. I'm not saying that babies under 20 weeks are less significant that babies that are over 20 weeks.. but she was almost full term. I got to cradle her in my arms. It just really hit the spot when he said that to me... as if Emily didn't exist. It hurt. A lot. He didn't realize it, but I sat there with tears stinging my eyes as I tried to hold myself together. I haven't felt like that in a while...


jaimee said...

I can totally relate to this post. I get asked that question many times and its like one of those things you probably shouldn't ask a person after losing a child. All I say is maybe..years from now..I don't know. It's something I can't really look forward too right now.I'm glad that you were able to at least hold your daughter..some people don't get that chance.